Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Bit Number One....

Alrite, Here's the set up. It still needs work, (obviously) but here you go. Constructive critisim would be nice..... But please no laughing. I'd apperciate it....

-Just a note. I really am I having trouble with the spacing on this thing. So I alined it to the middle in an attempt to make it easier to read....I can't seem to get the "Tab" key to work either. Sorry for the inconvenience!!!-

Uhhh!” Emma growled. She was so furious right now that she couldn’t even form words. Snatching her backpack off the kitchen table, Emma stomped across the room and right out the door. She was having the worst week of her entire life, so of course, today, of all days her stupid foster father had decided to give her crap about the laundry?! Ridiculous! How could anyone be expected to put up this?
“Hey! Where the hell do you think your going?”
“Away from you…” Emma mumbled, pulling her headphones on and turning the volume all the way up. Stuffing her hands deep into the pockets of her sweatshirt Emma instinctively turned left at the end of her street, heading toward her best friend Sarah’s house. She walked about twenty yards or so in that direction before remembering that she and Sarah weren’t speaking to each other. “Oh, right…” And being that she was newly single again Emma couldn’t count on Jason either. Great… With a sigh Emma turned on heel and headed back toward the high school. At least it was a beautiful night. Maybe she’d try stargazing for a while before sneaking back into the house.
Knowing that the quickest way to the roof from outside was to use the fire escape in the back, Emma cut across the Teacher’s parking lot. Which despite how greatly the students out numbered the teacher’s, wasn’t actually any smaller.
Halfway through the parking lot Emma paused. She’d just noticed an odd noise, almost like shriek, in the back round of her music. “What the hell was that?” She questioned pulling out her mp3 player and examining it. Nothing appeared to be wrong with it… Emma listened closely and this time when she heard the sound, it seemed louder. Operating on the hunch that it might not be a software glitch after all, Emma pulled her headphones off and looked around. There it was again! It sounded kind of like….screeching tires? A half a second later Emma was blinded by the headlights of a truck whipping around the corner of the school and racing toward her.
Emma froze. From where she was standing, she could discern some energetic shouting, she could also feel the bass of the driver’s music shaking the ground. Assuming the truck was filled with incredibly drunk college kids, Emma determined that the chances of the driver noticing her in time to swerve out of the way were slim to none. And the chances of her surviving being mowed down by a truck, at this speed, were even less… Squeezing her eyes shut Emma waited for the inevitable.
Off to her right she heard someone shout, “Princess?!” before crashing headlong into her. Emma’s first
thought was that someone had come to her rescue, but that was impossible ...wasn’t it? A human being couldn’t out run a truck! Not at this speed … right?
As the seconds ticked by Emma got the strangest feeling that they were moving in slow motion. That was until she and her mysterious rescuer crashed to the ground. Emma’s head bounced off the pavement, as they landed “safely” on the other side of black truck’s hood. And in a combination of what she could only assume was shock, fear and pain, all faded to black as she fell unconscious, without ever seeing the person that had saved her life.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

you right a heel of a lot better that i do. all i can say is go into detail a bit more this is a fantasy so the unreal needs to be expressed. ok this part is not in the demon world but you know

Anonymous said...

Awesome start, I am already hooked even without knowing all the other stuff I do, I would want to pick this story up!!! One comment, in your first paragraph I think that you missed a word when Emma was thinking to herself "How could anyone be expected to put up with this? You missed the word (with) in the sentence.

The only other comment I would make it to possibly elaborate a bit more on the surrealness of her not being hit by the truck and even that isn't necessary for it to work.