The Lesbian Bondage Fiasco!

-theme music to Soap plays in the background- In the last episode of my random rantings of death, Blaise left Darnell's Cobra at the Airport. Nicademus crashed their boat, which was then eaten by a gaint sea snake. The gang met up with Pyramid Head and Johnathan Faust the 8th. And Pyramid Head said Blaise looked like a girl! Now their all going to the mall.... Confused? Good. Get used to it. 'Cause it'll only get worse after this weeks episode post.

We join our group of hero's in the Amazon, right outside Heather's mall, which has inexplicably been moved to Silent Hill, which has inexplicably been moved into the Amazon...


Faust: -looks kind of surprised- Oh, so you are a Homosexual?

Blaise: No. Actually I'm Bi. But he's gay. And so are they. -points at Vlad and then Krys and Angel-

Faust: Ahh... -nod, nod- I don't know many homosexuals, as there are no homosexuals in Germany. They are in Austria... and Switzerland.

Vlad: Oh yea? Where in Switzerland?

Darnell: -totally interrupts everything- So why exactly are we going to the mall?

Faust: Pyramid Head needs bleach.

Darnell: Bleach? Are you serious?

Faust: Afraid so.

Emma: Oh! Lets get a walnut while we're here!?!!

Vlad: And a Hard Boiled Egg.

Blaise: Good idea! That way if we need to kill some bugs or violently abort God from Angel's stomach or something we can put the walnut in the bleach!

Emma: My thoughts exactly. -nod nod-

Angel: Hold on a second! Why my stomach? I'm not Heather! I don't even look remotely like Heather!?!!

Blaise: -shrugg- Just saying...

Vlad: -sigh- That's not even how you kill "God" in the game....

-EVERYONE ENTERS THE MALL!?!! Which is completely empty except for Billy Mayz and VINCE-

Pyramid Head: -curious-

Billy Mayz: Hey Pryamid Head! Look at how dingy and bloody and rusty and gross your pyramid is!?!! You need some CLR! Lookit what it does to this penny!?!!

Pyramid Head: .....If you come anywhere near me with that stuff, you lose your skin privileges. Permanently.

Everyone: O_o He spoke...

Billy Mayz: .....THEN HOW ABOUT SOME OXYCLEAN! IT'LL GET ALL THE BLOOD STAINS OUT OF YOUR SKIRT!

Pyramid Head: It's not a skirt!

Billy Mayz: GET ON THE BALL!

Pryamid Head: .... -walks away-

VINCE: Hi it's Vince with Slap Chop! You're gonna be in a great mood all day, cause you can slap your trouble away with Slap Chop! Look, the skin's at the bottom, THE SKIN COMES RIGHT OFF!?!!

Pryamid Head: -curious- ...... Does it come in human sizes?

VINCE: Ummm, -looks around- Do you hate makin salad?

Pyramid Head:.... I hate spokes people...

Nicademus: -picks up Sham WOW- Hmmm, it's like a shammy, it's like a towel.... To bad I don't have a boat anymore!

VINCE: Ya know the German's always make good stuff.

Faust: INDEED! -high fives-

Angel: -looks at the directory- The jewelry store is on the 2nd floor.

Blaise: TO THE ELEVATOR!?!!! HOOOO!

Sheldon: Lenard, he did it again...

Lenard: -rolls eyes-

Atreyu: Hey guys.....I'M STILL HERE!?!!

-EVERYONE PILES INTO THE ELEVATOR-

Announcer: Hi there everybody, thanks for tuning in. Welcome to another exciting edition of 'TRICK OR TREAT'!

Darnell: What the phuck...?

Emma: OHMIGOD! IT'S TRICK OR TREAT! YAY!

Angel: THIS MAKES NO FREAKIN SENSE AT ALL!!!!??!!!!

Krystal: We're not even in the Apartment Building...

Announcer: Here you either answer the questions correctly and win a great prize, or fail to answer correctly and receive the punishment. It all depends on you! And our lucky, or should I say unlucky, challengers today are Angel and Emma Radic, Krystal McKaye, Vlad Mattrik, Blaise Adams....Jesus Christ. How many people are in this blasted elevator? Nicademus, Darnell James, Atreyu, Johnathan Faust the 8th and ...Pyramid Head? Pyramid Head!?!! Are you serious?! That has got to be cheating....

Vlad: Actually, when you think about it, it's kind of a miracle that we haven't exceeded the weight limit in here...

Nicademus: Or the height limit for that matter. -looks at Faust and Pyramid Head-

Announcer: Ah, whatever. I don't care any more.... Anyway, are you ready to play 'TRICK OR TREAT'!?!!

Almost Everyone: Yea!

Announcer: Okay, here's your first question. Red and Blue are...
A) Two different colors.
B) Purple.
C) Hell, I don't know.
or
D) Richard Nixon

Blaise and Emma: Purple!

Nicademus: -nod nod- Richard Nixon.

Krystal: A jar of Almonds?

Faust: Um, I vote... -thinks about it for a minute- For a Jar of Almonds as well.

Announcer: Alright, well.... That was good, I guess.... Anyway, quickly on to question number two! On a scale of 1 to 10, what letter is your favorite color? -starts mumbling under his breath- ....Who wrote these questions? This is just stupid....

Atreyu: Duck on a Rock? Bibble Bibble.

Faust: -confused- ....Bibble, Bibble?

Blaise: RAINBOWS!

Emma: Q!?!!

Nicademus: 10.

Angel:...Saint Queerbait?

Vlad: And a Hard Boiled Egg.

Annoucer: Annnnnnd you are all wrong. Now I'm going to name a fish,

Blaise: -interrupts- PAMELA ANDERSON!?!!

Announcer: -surprised- That was actually right...

EVERYONE: YAY!?!!

Annoucer: And now for our final question! ... This is a trick question. Is the answer to this question,
A) B
B) C
C) A
or
D) D
And remember, you can always go off the board and say,
E) A Jar of Almonds.

Faust: O_o

Pyramid Head:....Richard Nixon.

Blaise: B!

Krystal: -whips out a little lap top- Computer findings point to ...A jar of Almonds.

Vlad: Oh really? Did your pie charts tell you that?

Krystal: -smirk- Yesh, Actually.

Announcer: Wow...Okay, Well, that's the last of our questions. Have you got it all figured out? When you know the answers, head to the storeroom on the 3rd floor to collect your prizes! But be careful. If you're wrong.... -maniacal laughter- Well then everybody, thanks for tuning in. I hope I never have to see another one of you ever again in my life. Bye bye!

-suddenly the elevator stops and the doors open-

Emma: That was fun.

Angel: That was retarded.

Blaise: Let's go to the store room!?!!

Vlad: Let's not.

Blaise: Why?

Vlad: If we get the answers wrong then Pyramid Head will suddenly appear and attack us. Duh.

Krystal: But Vlad... Pyramid Head is already here...

Vlad: -shrugg- Just saying...

Darnell: Let's just go. -looks at a spontaneously generated map of the mall- The store room is on the way to the Jewelry store anyway.

Angel: Ah, cause that makes sense....

Darnell: What do you expect? We're all subject to Liz's insanity, after all.

Angel: Well that's true I guess...

-AND AFTER OUR HERO'S RUN AROUND THE APARTMENT/MALL AND GET LOST... A LOT. THEY FINALLY FIND THE STORE ROOM!?!!! YAYZ!-

Krystal: Finally!

Vlad: I had no idea that this place was so freakin big...

Angel: Well it is the combination of the mall and the apartment buildings.

Vlad: -nod, nod- Yea. I suppose that's true.

Darnell: Let's just get our prize and get out of here...

Emma: Yea! Prizes and Surprises! .....It's supposed to like a bunch of bullets, right?

Darnell:...Bullets, you say?

Nicademus: Yea. Bullets and some health drinks, I think.

Blaise: Not that we really need those, when we have two doctors in the house... -opens the door-

-AND EVERYONE ENTERS THE STORE ROOM ONLY TO FIND THAT IT IS NOT ACTUALLY A STORE ROOM, SO MUCH AS IT IS THE TATES LIVING ROOM!?!! AND FATHER VINCENT IS SITTING AT THE TABLE, INCONSPICUOUSLY BLENDING IN!?!! AND BENSON IS YELLING AT HENRICK! HENRICK YOU FOOL! But what on Earth are the Tates doing in Silent Hill, I wonder...-

Angel: Hey look guys, -points at the cake- The cake is not a lie.

Benson: Let me tell you something, you NAT-ZI SHRIMP! You can talk to these people anyway you want. But now your talking to me. Now your talking to Benson, and I have had enough of your yelling and bullying and spitting. NO BODY HERE KILLED ANYBODY!?!! -picks Henrick/Fenney up and puts him on top of the Strawberry short cake- ... I'm sorry folks, there'll be no dessert tonight.

Pyramid Head: Awww.....

Everyone: -hysterical laughter-

HENRICK! HENRICK YOU FOOL!: -does not looks amused but says nothing, merely continues to scribble on his note pad-

Father Vincent: Yay Benson! -hi fives Billy-

Voice Over Guy: Will the Tates due without dessert? Or will they eat Henrick's pants?

Vlad: Holy Voice Over Blaise-Man!

Darnell: ....-looks around- Where is that coming from?

Father Vincent: Ah, your finally here. Good.

Angel: -raises eyebrow at him- You were expecting us?

Xander: -rolls through the scene-

Father Vincent: Not really. No. I was supposed to be meeting someone else here, but I'm beginning to think that I may be a game to early to meet her here. So I suppose you guys will just have to help me instead.

Emma: -drool- Father Vincent...

Darnell: -suspicious- Help you with what?

Father Vincent: I have to kill Claudia. She's a crazy bitch, ya know.

Darnell: I don't see how that is our prob-

Emma: We'll do it!

Darnell: Emma....

Emma: What? It's like a thousand times more fun then killing Eddie.

Darnell: -glare-

Emma: -pretty please-

Darnell: -CAN NOT RESIST THE ADORABLENESS!?!!- Okay, fine...

Father Vincent: -smirk- Whipped.

Darnell: -shoots in his general direction- Shut up!

Major: AIR RAID!?!! -dives under table-

Frank Burns: -high squeaky voice- AIR RAID!?!!! -runs out of the house-

Krystal: -confused- Where did he come from?

Blaise and Vlad: FRANK BURNS EATS WORMS!?!!

Nicademus and Atreyu: -looking around-

Krystal: Hey, Atreyu's still here.

Vlad: What are you guys doing?

Nicademus: Looking for our prizes. They're supposed to be in this room, right?

Father Vincent: Oh yea. I have them. -pulls a big cardboard box out of nowhere-

Angel: But the announcer said we got the questions wrong....

Father Vincent: Yea. But I don't really care. So... -hands the box to Darnell-

-AND THE BOX CONTAINS, A WALNUT, A BOTTLE OF BLEACH, A PAIR OF PLIERS, A PLASTIC BAG (With Blood), A BUNCH OF BULLETS, SOME HEALTH DRINKS AND A COBRA IN A BASKET.-

Darnell: Yesh! A cobra! -cuddles basket- We are saved! Oh! And bullets! -cuddles bullets too- Yay...

Xander: -rolls through the scene-

Angel: Are you high?

Darnell: I'm not high! -glares- ...You're high!

Angel: Okay then...

Emma: -picks up bag of blood and looks at Blaise-

Blaise: -picks up plairs and looks at Emma-

Emma: Hey Father Vincent....

Father Vincent: Yersh? -walks over to her-

Emma: -throws plastic bag (with blood) at Father Vincent-

Father Vincent: Gah! -bag explodes and completely drenches him in blood- What the hell?!

Krystal: -horrified- Emma! Blaise! What are you doing to him!?!

Blaise: -hacks Father Vincent to the ground and sits on his chest- I CAN HAZ YOUR PHILLINGS, PLEAZ?! :3 -tries to pry his mouth open-

Emma: We have to steal his fillings! -pins Vincent's wrist down- This effects our ending!?!!

Father Vincent: -swearing up a freakin storm as he fights with teh Blaiseinator-

Benson: -looks at the blood all over the floor- I'm not cleaning that up....

Angel: What ending?! THIS IS NOT A VIDEO GAME!?!!

Faust: Actually... This is kinda funny to watch.

Benson: And you two! Stop dropping popcorn all over the place!?!!

Faust: ...Popcorn?

Nicademus: POPCORN IS NOMZ!?!

Pyramid Head: -munches on popcorn- OM NOM NOM NOM -offers popcorn to Faust-

Vlad: -smirk- Are you implying that you actually believe that we are in Silent Hill, Angel?

Angel: -glare-

Krystal: -can't watch any more of this mistreatment of teh Vincento- Alright. Alright. Enough. You're going to hurt him.

Emma: But we need his fillings.

Krystal: Just give me the plairs, I'll get them.

Blaise: -shrugg- Okay... -hands Krys the plairs and slides off Vincent's chest-

Atreyu: -super sneakily steals empty card board box, while humming the Get Smart Theme-

Krystal: -mumbling to herself- And of course this equipment is very crude and probably not sterile...God only knows where the hell these plairs have been recently....I really hope you don't get an infection Father... -AND THEN WITH PRACTICED SKILL AND ACCURACY, KRYSTAL REMOVES ALL OF VINCENT'S FILLINGS IN UNDER .2 SECONDS WITH NO PAIN OR BLOOD!?!! AMAZING!-

Father Vincent: -sits up, tests his jaw, there is no pain! no pain! no pain! Hahaha. And looks at Krystal- Thank you... I guess.

Blaise: -smilely and happy tiems- Vin-cen-to! Vin-cen-to!

Emma: -huggles- Father Vincent! Did you know your like my 5th favorite psychopath?

Father Vincent: -glares a super intense death glare at Emma and Blaise- You two...

Emma: Yea! In order that would be Faust, Akito/Agito...Oh! I forgot Kazuo. Okay so, Kazuo, Faust, Akito/Agito, You...

Blaise: What about Mitsuko?

Emma: Oh yea. Okay so, Kazuo, Faust...

Father Vincent: -snaps and steals Benson's broom and starts chasing Emma and Blaise around the room with it- AHHH!!!?!!!

Benson: Hey!

Xander: -rolls through the scene again and again- Roll, Roll, Roll through the scene....

Faust: -smirky- I'm number two on her list! Yay me!

Card Board Box (With Atreyu): DUN DUN DUN DA! DUN DUN DUN DA! DA DA DA DA DA DADA DADA DAAAA!?!! -completely tone deaf and singing the wrong theme song while sneaking around the room like Snake- .....TAKE CARE OF YOUR BOX AND IT'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU!?!!...... SNAKE EATER!?!!

Nicademus: -shakes head- Yep... That's my boy. Doesn't even know what Video Game he's supposed to be in...