Ohhhhhh Yeeeeeeeaaaaah!

Okay, so I was very bored earlier. I was hanging out with my Boyfriend and his guy friends because one of our buddies girlfriend broke up with him this morning. It was very sad and we wanted to cheer him up a bit. Good news, it totally worked! Bad news, for me anyway, cheering Mike up involved an awful lot of playing Magic. -sigh- I was trying to learn for awhile there. I really was, but then everyone stopped trying to teach me because when they play, they want to play fancy games with complicated rules and such instead of going slow and easy with me while I learn. So, because no one wants to teach me any more then I already know, I don't play too much when we get together. Which means that I'm always bored. Today, I had planed to bring my notebook so that I could work on my awesome book while they ignored my existence, buuuut I forgot it. -super fail-

So, Superman got me a random notebook to write in. But I didn't have any of my notes or scenes with me, so I couldn't think of what to work on at all. So, I bothered Stevo. And he told me to write about a chair and paper airplane and a candle. And I'm like.....What the fuck? Instead of working on my book he wanted me to do this like old school writing prompty thing, which I haven't done since I was in, like the 9th grade! Hahaha. But it's not like I had anything else to do. So, what the hell, right? And the resulting story is fantastic! So, I'm going to post it here for all to read! Enjoy.

Oh yea! And Superman introduced Steve to one of his friends by saying the Asian one is Steve, and his Mommy yelled and bitched at him for a good ten minutes after that. Telling him that he was rude and she raised him better and this and that, it was hilarious! And me and Steve both wish that she'd kept going. Hahaha. Now, story time.

Once upon a time, stupid Cordelia made a stupid wish that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale and because he never came to Sunnydale, the place has been overrun by Vampyres! Oh no! And it's all super doofy Anyanka's fault! Silly vengeance Demon! Anyway, Giles who is beyond brilliant, figures out that Anyanka is responsible for all of this madness and he summons her and then he pulls a very sneaky, sneaky Giles move and steals the pendant off her necklace because that pretty, sparkly pendant is the source of her powers. But Giles has got nothing to smash it with! So, he runs next door to the set of Dancing with the Stars, to find Carson and Anna TRABUNSKYA dancing and at the end of the dance, Carson steals Anna's shoe!

So, Giles runs out onto the dance floor and punches Carson in the face and takes the shoe and uses it to smashify the pendant! And then there's an explosion and Sunnydale goes back to normal and everything is back the way that it's supposed to be. Nancy Grace got voted off of Dancing with the Stars five weeks ago, Spikeles has a ponytail, Angel is dead in a coffin somewhere with a stake through his heart and Twilight never happened.

And then Scuba Stevers the Asian Pirate who commissioned this silly rant of a story, takes it and flods it all up into a paper airplane and throws it. And it drifts over a bunch of candles that Superman lighted because it was decided that they wanted some romantic mood lighting while they bored me to death playing Magic all night long. And then the paper airplane with the story that I worked so hard on for him, bursts into flames. Then it lands on the table and sets every one's cards on fire, all of the Magic cards. Burst into flames. Batman, Ben and Creeper burst into tears, while Mike and Superman take turns beating Steve to death with a chair.

And by the time they're done, it looks like Steve is gonna die! And then I start to cry because he never even told me what he thought about my story and I'd probably miss him and stuff. Hahaha. Then before Steve's heart stops beating, Blaise busts into the room by kicking through the wall like the Kool Aid Man!

And he feeds the bloody Steve Cakes a MAGICAL TWIX BAR! That's right, not a regular Twix Bar, but a MAGICAL TWIX BAR!

And then, he's fine! Steve's fine. Totally fine! Or is he.........?

Suddenly Steve turns green! And Scuba Steve the Asian Pirate becomes Scuba Steve the Asian ZOMBIE Pirate, because feeded him the wrong MAGICAL TWIX BAR! Oh no! And then we all scream and run away. Everyone except Blaise that is. Blaise, who whips out a shot gun from conceivably nowhere an panic fires all over everything but hits nothing except MICHELLE RODRIGEUZ's leg, because his aim is beyond horrible. And when did MICHELLE RODRIGEUZ get here anyway?!

.....DOESN'T MATTER!

Because Blaise just shot her in the leg! So, in response to this brutal maiming of one of my favorite lesbians, I bust out my Henshin Wand and Transform into Super Sailor Jupiter! "Secret identity be damned! Jupiter Star Power!" (Didn't you know that I was a Sailor Senshi? Jupiter's my profile picture for a reason! lol) Anyway, Blaise gives his shot gun to Superman because Superman actually knows how to use one properly and then he helps MICHELLE RODRIGEUZ run away with everyone else. All the while she's swearing like a trucker and he's apologizing continuously.

Then I use my SUPREME THUNDER DRAGON on Zombie Steve the Pirate. And Mikeles points out that my skirt goes up when I do that and he can see my panties, so I punch him for looking.

Then! While Mike is bleeding profusely from his facial region, we all realize that my SUPREME THUNDER DRAGON didn't work on Zombie Stevers the Pirate, so I try again. Still nothing! Sparkling Wide Pressure?

Nope. Oak Evolution?

Denied!

But why isn't it working?! .....BECAUSE STEVE'S A ZOMBIE NOW! WHY WOULD ELECTRICITY WORK ON HIM?! HE'S DEAD!! So, once again, we all scream. Then we run and hide behind the barn. I crouch down and peak around the corner so that I can see what Zombie Steve is up too over there while we think of a sneaky plan. But nobody is thinking of a plan! And while I am watching Zombi Steve, everyone starts asking MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ for her autograph and such, but she ignores them because she's too busy checking out my ass and epic thighs in this TEENY TINY MINISKIRT!! -Roy Mustang-

And then she blushes cause I'm hott. Hahaha.

THEN! The horror continues as Zombie Steve screams and raises an army of evil child sized skeletons!! And that is terrifying! Beyond terrifying! Not only has the MAGICAL TWIX BAR given him evil zombie powers, but have you ever seen a child/baby's skeleton?!

They're extra scary looking!

And why are there so many children's skeletons under Superman's house anyway?! Thankfully, before we can really panic or decide what to do about this or anything, LL Cool J stomps onto the scene riding a T Rex and the vicious T Rex and destroys the Zombie Steve's entire evil child skeleton army. Because apparently evil child skeleton armies make dinosaurs rage.

Then Steve eats LL Cool J's flesh,

because he's pissed off that LL Cool J lived while Samuel L. Jackson died in Deep Blue Sea.

And then the T Rex catches Zombie Virius from Stever Cakes. So, Zombie Steve the Pirate lost his evil child skeleton army, but now he's got a giant Zombie Dinosuar to ride around on. So, it's all good.

Except that Zombie Steve now has a Zombie T Rex! So, we retreat again. TO THE BATMOBLIE?!

And Batman drives like a maniac. But the car is just not going fast enough! So, Mike presses the little red button and the car starts flying around like a Bat out of Hell. lol And then, we decide to pull a Raccoon City and blow up Superman's entire farm in order to kill Steve and his evil Zombie T Rexinator. And we succeed in killing the T Rex but not Zombie Steve, who's still running on the power of Blaise's MAGICAL TWIX BAR, and instead of dying, Zombie Steve grows 50 times his size and gets all giant!! LIKE STEVEZILLIA!!! A ZOMBIE STEVEZILLA?! OH THE HORROR!!?!!!! Then Blaise, who must have watched Godzilla recently, has the brilliant idea to lure Giant Zombie Stevo the Pirate Cakes to a suspension bridge so that he'll get all tied up in the cables and we can trap him!

Even though I'm pretty sure that in reality that would never ever work. Hahaha. Anyway! It's brilliant and conveniently enough, there's a suspension bridge not to far from where Superman's farm used to be! Let's do it?!

But how to we lure him over there?! W have to get him to follow us!! But hooooow!!!?!!! Then Mike's like boobs and points at me and I'm like, no. Not gonna happen. And then I'm like Mila Jovich?! Then we look around, but she hasn't randomly appeared in the Batmoblie. DAMN!! And then MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ is like, I know! Let's make out! And then she kisses me!! And Batman's like HEY! And I'm like what?! And then she's like guys like to watch girls make out with each other because their disgusting pigs! So, we make out. And then Mike's like, hooootttttt. And Blaise is like ......Zombie Stevezillia isn't looking this way guys. And MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ is like, but he might! And Blaise is like, nah. He's too busy trashing what's left of Superman's farm. Plus, he couldn't see you guys in the car even if he were looking this way. And then finally I'm like, hold up! He's a Zombie now! Zombie don't care about girls or lesbians or anything like that! They're fucking zombies!!?!!! And then I look at MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ and I'm like, you sneaky bitch. That was just an excuse to snog me wasn't it? And once again, she looks embarrassed.

Because it totally was just an excuse to make out with me!! Hahaha

So, once again we have no plan. And we're thinking what would lure a Giant Zombie to walk to his Zombified Dooooom? Well all they care about is food. So....CANDY?! The answer is so simple! And then there is a lot of flailing about in the car for a minute or so, then Batman uses the cars cloaking device to turn the Batmoblie into a MOST GIANT BAG OF SOURPATCH KIDS?!

And we use it to lure Zombified Stevezillia to the suspension bridge and then we blow up all the cables and he gets all trapped inside and my dearest darlingest friend Washu of Tenchi Muyo, creates a super sciencey serum and uses it to shrinkify Zombie Steve the Pirate, back to his normal size. But she can't figure out how to cureificate him! Ohhhhh! Too bad! Sad tiems!

So, what do we do with Steve now? Weeeeelllllll, I decided to put him on a leash! So, now I can take Zombie Steve for walks and to Anime Boston and make him play video games with me and we can be bestest best Zombie Buddies ever! An we'll watch Zombie movies together and eats monkey's brains for dinner! Even though it is Cantonese Cuisine and not popular in American nomz.

And then.... Ummmm, me and MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ fall in love. Because in the future when me and Batman got married, we had an evil little demon child with red eyes and pink hair and it travelled back in time to met us in the past before we were married and it gave Batman a heart attack and he died.

Then I killed the little demon child where it stands because it was evil! I mean, she's got red eyes and she gave my boyfriend a heart attack! EEEEEVVVVVVVIIIIIIILLLLLL?!! Like Damien!

Except more evil!

So, yea. Me and MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ fall in love and she becomes Sailor Mercury! Like a bad ass... Hispanic... Sailor Mercury, instead of a tiny, Japanese bookworm? Yea... That's totally what happened.... AND FUCK YOU CANNON SAILOR MOON PAIRINGS?! MERCURY AND JUPITER FOREVAAAAAAAAR?! AND EVAAAAARRRR!!!?!!!

THE END!!!

Anyway, Stevers laughed pretty hard at this! I hope that you liked it too! I might post it on Deviant Art as well, just for the lol'z. Hahaha. Annnnnnd, I've got nothing relevant to the purpose of this blog to say here. So, toodles!

Love ya!

-Lita Kaye